Monday, December 27, 2010


I was talking to friend the other day about video games and their addictiveness. It inspired me to write another post.  :)
Once you start playing video games (or computer games), it is often hard to pull yourself away. You end up wasting many valuable hours pursuing pure nothingness. Why? Man is lazy. He likes things that don't require diligence and effort. Man is prideful. When he comes across something to be mastered, he must conquer it. Video games capitalize on the pitfalls of mankind.
Most television is only more aimless than video games because there is nothing to conquer. It simply requires laziness.
Now don't hear me wrong (actually, don't read this post wrong). I don't mean that video games and television are evil and we should go burn all our electronics in a great bonfire of doom. Occasionally, mindless entertainment provides needed rest and even fellowship. But because mindless entertainment isn't what we were created for, we must be careful not to slip into a lifestyle that centers around such entertainment.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


Which is more important when relaying information: quality of the information or quality of the presentation?

When information is not provided in proper sequence and with proper clarity it loses its significance. Only the most analytical and organizational of the audience will still gain the information in a way that will be beneficial to them.

When information is presented in a thorough and engaging way, it gains a large audience. However, because the information lacks solidity, it becomes dangerous. This is the main mindset out of which our culture operates. Information is presented in an engaging way, but only part of the information is given (e.g. Gardasil, Obamacare, Abortion). We have a culture who embraces ideas they know little about simply because the presentation of the information was engaging and the culture feels these things will be beneficial to them.

"Nobody ever became a writer just by wanting to be one. If you have anything to say, anything you feel nobody has ever said before, you have got to feel it so desperately that you will find some way to say it that nobody has ever found before, so that the thing you have to say and the way of saying it blend as one matter-as indissolubly as if they were conceived together." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald, in a letter to his daughter

Saturday, December 18, 2010


My school friends and I have been talking about motivation. I struggle to understand how so many brilliant people I know have no motivation to complete their schoolwork. We discussed how different people are motivated by different things. But is that okay? Shouldn't we all ultimately find our motivation in Christ and the gospel?
...I am most definitely a people pleaser. And that can be good. I often care a lot about other people and what they are thinking and feeling. I hate to be an inconvenience to anyone. Anyone who knows me well enough will complain of my frequent apologizing. But this can also be a bad thing. Often I find my motivation to accomplish any given task rooted in my fear of man. In my Christian bubble (i.e. my small christian school and my small christian church), this motivation has rarely ever lead my actions astray. Yet, it has lead my heart astray. I have been more focused on how people view what I do than on how the Lord views the intentions of my heart. My little Christian bubble is about to burst. Whether I stay local or go out-of-state, college is going to be a whole new world for me. I must make my relationship with Christ of most importance if I wish to stand firm in my faith throughout the next years of my life.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


I have decided to post little thoughts and questions in between my annoyingly long and majorly in depth mini essays. Hopefully, in this way, I will be able to post more often and leave my readers with less headaches. So here is my thought for today (aided by our wonderful homeroom discussion as well as a literature discussion)...

 Often, when life is going well, we stop seeking God in the same way. We understand our dependence on Him the best when we experience trials. Does present happiness dim future hope? Hope requires dependence and some level of despair. While we should enjoy our experiences here on earth, we must not forget that they are tainted by sin and a better future awaits us.

What is the balance of finding happiness in present situations and yet never losing sight of the future of our lives/our hope in heaven?

Friday, November 26, 2010


I wrote this last year as a school assignment. I found it today as I was cleaning and it brought me back to my knees...I still have so much room to grow...

The Light, A (very) Short Allegory
      Change was nothing new to Inconsiderate. In fact, the past year had marked many drastic changes in her life. She found the need to find a circle of friends as she transferred to a new Place of Learning. She also found that her Place of Relaxation was no longer a continual dwelling place, but only a Place of Refuge where her weary frame could continue to struggle against the Mound of Tasks that was ever before her. She toiled each night until she was unable to stand the struggle any longer and collapsed in utter exhaustion.
      As Inconsiderate continued to forge her way through year, the Mound of Tasks grew. Self-Centered began visit her. She revealed to Inconsiderate just how large the Mound of Tasks was and she encouraged Inconsiderate to evaluate the amount of work she was pushing herself to do. Self-Pity was soon knocking at her door. Before long, Inconsiderate entertained the whole Self family daily. They all looked to give their advice on her lifestyle. Because of her new friends Inconsiderate soon realized the she was quite accomplished for handling such a large Mound and she began to complain to her other companions seeking their sympathy.
     The Mound of Tasks became Inconsiderate’s only goal in life. Day after day, she would return to her Place of Refuge and begin to mount the Mound. When objects or even other residents of the Refuge crossed Inconsiderate’s path, she quickly did whatever she felt was necessary to remove them. Nothing mattered but the Mound. Inconsiderate’s exhaustion grew and she began to grow hopeless, seeing no end to her goal.
      After several months, a Teacher of the Light challenged Inconsiderate with a simple question: “what is your identity?”. But this simple question caused Inconsiderate to entirely re-evaluate her purpose. She once again saw the beauty in following the Light. The Light revealed the Mound to her as it really was, a large and dark object blocking her view of the Light. She decided that her entire lifestyle must change starting at the very beginning. It was not important that she find a certain group of friends, but only that she care for and seek companionship from any and all in the Place of Learning. The other people living at the Place of Refuge began to take on names and faces. She saw how oblivious she had been to their cares and needs as she served the Mound. She had not looked to serve anyone, but herself. She found that as she began to serve the unblocked Light, her tasks were no longer toils and the needs of others were slowly revealed to her.
      Once again the Teacher of Light came to Inconsiderate.
He asked her to change her name.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I stole this poem from a friend's blog. I have become very tired of working so hard for things that may not matter. As a senior, I'm becoming very stressed about how the rest of my life is going to be. I read this poem and was reminded of how great my God is. And also, how much I'm not trusting Him.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

“You’d never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”

© 1980 Russell Kelfer. All rights reserved.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

why study?

     Why do we study history? No, seriously, why? If you ever want to know anything, just Google it. So why do I have to memorize all these key facts, dates and events. And why in the world do I have to know the details of a dead guy’s life? Why is the study and memorization aspect of history necessary in the an age where news travels the world in a matter of seconds and a Flash Drive the size of eraser can hold a small library of information? It is necessary, not because the information is not available, not because information is no longer credible, but because the information is no longer complete.
     Often, the argument is made that we must know the facts because the information we have is no longer credible. If all information is no longer credible, then we can’t even believe our school textbooks. Now, this argument is valid to a degree. If you Google a question, read the first website that comes up in your search and then decide you have all the information, you are obviously mistaken. The keyword in that sentence is obvious. Making sure you have at least three different sources on any given piece of information, is a generally accepted rule. In school, there are times when students try to avoid this rule, but the general populace acknowledges the rule, even if they don’t always abide by it.
     The greater concern, is lack of completeness in historical accounts. Faulty information can easily be weeded out with the assistance of mutable sources. Each source’s level of credibility can also be acquired easily in this day of technology. What is not so easily recognized is the omission of certain details in any given historical subject. And this omission of certain details is often used as current historical authors wish to wipe the hand of God out of HIStory. This omission of certain details is used whenever an author seeks to adapt history to suit their own purposes. The memorization of history is necessary because only then can these accounts be questioned.
     I have been seriously blessed with my education. Most of my schooling was lead by my parents. While they certainly presented the information through their own worldview, nothing is truly unbiased, they also made sure that I thoroughly investigated all sides of any given subject and presented my own conclusion based on solid facts. My junior and senior years have been and are being spent at New Covenant Christian School. I have also been blessed by this educational institution. I understand that not everyone has the opportunities I have been presented with, but I hope that everyone will take hold of the opportunities they do have and maintain a desire to know the whole truth and nothing less.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


My class went to Washington D.C. for a field trip this past Friday. Every time I go to D.C. I am amazed at how many things I haven't yet seen, but more importantly, how many things I see differently the second or third time. This time, as we toured the Capitol building, I was really struck by the marble statues that decorated the greater part of each room we saw. If you stood close enough, you could even see the veins on the statue's hands. Now think about that for a moment. Out of a very hard block of stone, an artist chipped and chiseled until he had created the image of a person so detailed you could see the veins in its hands and so life-like that it looked as if the person had just been standing there and was suddenly turned to stone by the White Witch. These artists are truly amazing. If these external representations of man leave me in such awe, how much more amazed should I be when I look at the One who made man himself and gave man all these awe-inspiring gifts? How great is our God?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

halfway down

A. A. Milne was an excellent poet who took time to appreciate the simple things in life. I've been so caught up in all my responsibilities that I haven't had time to enjoy each and every aspect of life, especially the simple things. This is one of my favorite poems.

Halfway down the stairs
Is a stair where I sit.
There isn't any other stair
Quite like it.
I'm not at the bottom,
I'm not at the top;
So this is the stair
Where I always stop.
Halfway up the stairs
Isn't up and isn't down.
It isn't in the nursery,
It isn't in the town.
And all kinds of funny thoughts
Go running round my head:
"It isn't really anywhere!
It's somewhere else instead!"

Monday, October 11, 2010

Adeventures in Indiana - part four

Wow, I'm really tired. Today was the big day. I had so much hairspray in my hair that my hair was hard and, after washing it twice, there are still hairspray flakes in my hair. We had informational meetings in the morning, the dreaded three hour audition and tours in the afternoon. I have mixed feelings about the day. The campus was just as beautiful as yesterday. It was voted 11th most romantic college in the country. It was very relaxed and never had the usual rushed, noisy campus feel. The program sounds amazing. Along with great classes and teachers, dance majors are required to work with costumes, sets and lighting. The performance hall seats 2,000 and it's gorgeous. Performance opportunities include tours in Russia and China. The audition classes were hard, but not unreasonable. We first took a class with seniors. Then we took a class with the sophomores. I didn't do very well in the first class, partially because of nerves and partially because the teacher taught a really fast-paced class. I danced much better in the second class. I also liked the teacher of the second class better. All six of the full time faculty passed through the classes, but none of them stayed through all of either class. Admission is decided by majority vote from the faculty. About 250 students audition each year, but only about 25 attend Butler as dance majors the next fall. Butler accepts more than 25 because not everyone who is accepted chooses Butler. But, that still means I don't have a great chance of getting in. I'm starting to have all the "I should have..." thoughts, but my mom is very graciously reminding me that it's all in God's hands and that I may not be accepted to Butler simply because God has a better plan.
Here are a few more pictures...

The Performance Hall

Butler Bulldog Dressed for the Arts

The Amount of Metal in My Head

Foods Dancers are Never Supposed to Eat, But I Did :D
Random Note: During the first informational meeting, my amazing green pen started leaking all over my hands! Of all the things I anticipated gonig wrong, this was not one of them. Mom started passing me Wet Ones under the table from her purse and I spent the next couple hours trying to scrub my hands unnoticibly. It was very interesting, but it turned out okay. By the time we reached the audition, it had faded considerably.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Adeventures in Indiana - part three

Today has been quite a long day.
The lack of sleep really started to get to me this afternoon. I fell asleep until 7:30pm at which point, my mom had already tried to wake me several times. She has been extremely patient and supportive throughout this trip. We decided we should go find dinner. As we began to look around, we were reminded of our trip to Missouri last summer. Most everything had already closed for the evening. We eventually decided on Cracker Barrel and both got some excellent pancakes. Now, we're back at the hotel. Meeting with Emi, has definitely calmed some of my nervousness concerning tomorrow. Just getting to look around the school and know where I'll be tomorrow releases some of the "unknown" thoughts. She was very sweet and answered all of my questions about classes, teachers, etc. The campus and the program seem very nice. Many of teachers have excellent connections with ballet companies nationally and internationally. This provides for amazing performing opportunities. I am starting to get excited about taking class tomorrow. Hopefully, I will be able to maintain the excitement and just enjoy the day tomorrow. Even if I never come back, tomorrow is an excellent opportunity and I want to make the best of it.

Here are a couple more random pictures...
Our Room

Purple Happiness

Beautiful Building Across the Street

The Pyramids

goodnight :)

Adeventures in Indiana - part two

Well, my mom and I got up at 5:30, drove to the airport, waited/attempted to sleep, finally boarded the plane, flew to Indiana, found our rental car, got frustrated with the GPS, and then...
            WE MET EMI!!!!
(My ballet teacher gave me the names of several students he had previously taught who now attend Butler. I spoke to all three of them. One of them was able to meet up with my Mom and I.)
So, we met Emi at Taste for lunch. I asked her lots of questions. She then showed us around the campus. It was beautiful. :) She did say the food wasn't great, but, other than that, I really like everything I have seen so far. After touring the campus, she brought us to her dorm. Then we left Butler and found our hotel. Now, I'm sitting on the hotel bed trying to stay awake and finish some of my homework.
Here are a few pictures...

Adventures In Indiana - part one

This morning we will leave our house at quarter to six. I am finally packed and really quite nervous. I've been struggling with trusting that God has a plan and it's not based upon my actions or performance. I have a history of being exceedingly nervous at auditions and this fact is weighing much too heavily on my thoughts. Thank the Lord for my amazing parents, grandparents and friends. Throughout this week many of them have frequently reminded me of the truth of resting in Christ and truly casting all of my worries on Him. Also, my weekend motto is: I'm Going To Butler!!! ...just for Megan :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

a creator

When young children are asked to present a topic to their class, they are often required to include information about the inventor of their topic. When students study literature, they are required to study the author of their current piece of literature. Studying the author provides the student (and the teacher) with a much better understanding of and appreciation for the work. With any piece of art, visual or performing, a study of the artist is required. Each display in each museum contains a plaque with an artist's name, the creator of the piece. If any prestigious museum were to hang a new painting on it's wall and the plaque were to say: "No Creator, Came About Via Spontaneous Generation", the world would cry "ludicrous" and investigations would immediately ensue. Yet the most beautiful piece of artwork, mankind, is thought to be created in just this way. How can we understand so fully the necessary role of a creator in every other aspect of our lives and ignore it so completely when it comes to ourselves? How can we require information on any other creator and reject any information on our own Creator. We have an enormous amount of ignorant pride. We are power hungry. If we acknowledge that a being created us, then we acknowledge that a being is greater and more powerful than us. But think about the artwork one more time. Do we think less of a painting because we know it has a creator? No, in fact many paintings increase in value when they are discovered to be a creation of a celebrated artist. We don't even try to think of the painting as being more powerful than the artist, but that doesn't make the painting any less awe-inspiring. When we discover that we have been created by the almighty God, our understanding of our own value should increase exponentially. We have been created by the most amazing artist. ever. Once we understand this truth and begin to investigate our creator, we will have a much better appreciation for His art, a much better appreciation of ourselves and our purpose: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. We recognize the necessity of creators and require the study of them in pieces of art. Can we put those pieces together and recognize the necessity of our Creator and require the study of Him?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

art and my life :)

      The value of art has been a debated topic since the beginning of time. Often it is determined unessential to survival, but important simply to aesthetic views. In this world, and specifically in my own life, art contains much more meaning than just a pretty picture. Art is the tool that I have used to develop into the person I am today through evaluation and expression. Just as any building cannot be created without the proper tools, I would not be the human being I am today without these significant instruments. The art of literature is my tool for evaluation and the art of dance is my tool for expression.
      A Raisin in the Sun’s Beneatha Younger found a passion that changed her life. The play begins with her struggle to fit into white American culture. During the play, she discovers that embracing her African heritage is more suited to her personal interests. She quickly developed a strong love for the African culture and therefore changed her ideas about her future to suit this passion. She began to dream of going back to Africa. I began my athletic endeavors by following in mother’s footsteps with roller skating. Several of my friends took ballet classes and they served as my introduction to ballet. Watching a ballet on television left me further intrigued. I began to dream of becoming of a ballerina and this shaped my ideas about my future and the following steps I took to get there.
       Henry Higgins devoted his life to his passion for speech and dictation. He knew and studied his passion constantly, but neglected his relationships with those involved in it. Before the curtain closes on Pygmalion the audience witnesses a development and change in this great character as he learns the importance of relationships in his work and in his life. Ballet is my passion. Like the well-known professor, I tend to get involved in perfecting my steps and body lines in ballet and neglect my relationships with the other dancers. Not only does this affect our ability to work as a team, it is also influences the quality of the acting element in ballet. The better we understand each other, the better we will be able to relate to one another as dancers and as characters in a storyline or forces in an emotion.
       The middle section of Jane Eyre covers Jane’s first stay at Thornfield Hall. During this time she falls in love with Mr. Rochester. While she acknowledges this developing passion inside of her, she does not discover how much of herself this passion becomes until she leaves him. By the end of the story, she discovers how pointless her life is without Mr. Rochester. She returns to find him traumatically changed, yet they both vow to spend the rest of their lives together. Throughout my life I have devoted many hours to the athletic art form of ballet. Yet even when I began to dedicate eighteen hours a week to ballet I didn’t comprehend the passion and emotion involved in my obsession until my junior year. With my transition to a classical, highly academic school and new obligations at home, balancing responsibilities became a heightened challenge. Being stretched in more directions than ever before also released an overload of emotions that I have not been used to expressing. Translated into my dancing, I began to understand the importance of the dancer’s connection with their role and the audience. While I had always known that literature was my tool for evaluation, I now learned that dance was my tool for expression. Like Jane, a new environment acted as a foil which intensified my understanding of the passion I have and continue to invest in ballet.
       Positively developed and adapted literary characters inspire readers to do likewise. These particular characters are only a few of the many characters who encouraged me to evaluate my experiences. In the same way, ballerinas hope to inspire their audiences through the art they express. Beneatha Younger, Henry Higgins and Jane Eyre have helped me to grow as a person. I hope that others will grow through the stories I tell, on and off stage.

Friday, September 24, 2010


All of life seems still
Then whirling, twirling comes the wind
With it’s wild will
We heave a giant sigh
The days and weeks pass by
With measured sun they say
Is every equal day
They all don’t seem to pass
In quite an equal way

All of life seems still
Then whirling, twirling comes the wind
With it’s wild will
We float across the stage
The minutes seem an age
The measure is the note
Each beat the same they quote
Yet movements make it seem
Some beats the more remote

All of life seems still
Then whirling, twirling comes the wind
With it’s wild will
We enter a deep stare
Ignoring everywhere
The sun will always shine
Music will fall and climb
But thoughts unmeasured go
Our thoughts transcend the time

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


In literature class last week we read The Raven. It was a beautiful poem, but what was even more beautiful was the essay Poe wrote about how he wrote the poem. I may be strange, but I always try to imagine how writers create fictitious plot lines. It was super cool (straight form the Barbie handbook :P) to get inside the head of such an amazing artist. While talking of his writing process, Poe talked of how he attempted to maintain the aspect of originality in his poems.

" The fact is, originality (unless in the minds of a very unusual force) is by no means, as some suppose, of impulse or intuition. In general, to be found, it must be elaborately sought..."

We discussed this in class and Katie brought up a quote she remembered from C.S. Lewis also on the topic of artistic originality.

"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."

While I cannot deny that Poe was a brilliant poet, I most definitely agree with C.S. Lewis. If I relate this to my dancing, when I try to pick steps and sequences of movement that seem original to me, I often end up being quite the opposite. But when I choose the idea or truth that I want to share with the audience, and let the movements flow from my desire to share it, I will generally find originality. God has given mankind different personalities, perspectives and proficiencies which will together provide us with different ways of expressing His truth. These ways are original to the rest of mankind because each one of us is a unique individual.  

Monday, August 23, 2010


I am an introvert. I know that lately I say this all the time and those of you who know me well probably get tired of it, but until this year I never really realized that people relate to each other differently. I saw that I didn't act the same way around other people that, for example, my sister did, but I thought it was just a fault of mine. Something I needed to fix. This past year has been a year of many revelations for me. Discovering that I was an introvert was one of them. I finally understood that it was okay for everyone to act differently. Everyone didn't have to do things the way I did them and I didn't have to do things the way everyone else did them. That said, I now find myself on the opposite end of the spectrum. This is another thing I solidified about myself this past year. I tend to slide from one extreme to the other and never really balance at that middle point. Anyway, I'm now at the opposite side. I'm beginning to become too comfortable with being an introvert. Understanding that that's how I relate to people and that some other people relate that way as well, but others don't, helped me to understand people much better. Okay, I'm using a lot of "that"s, basically all of Myers-Briggs, not just the introvert/extrovert idea, helped to me to understand people better. Yet, just because I'm a person who needs some space and would rather be approached by others, rather than jumping in the middle of a conversation, doesn't mean that I can always be that way just because I like it better. I need to comprehend that just because I now understand the way that I prefer to relate to others doesn't mean that that's the only I should or will relate to others. Just as I've said before, I can't change myself. I must go to Christ and ask Him to change my sinful, lazy heart. I talked to my Mom about this new found struggle and she recommended that I read Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. I've only read the first few pages, but I've already discovered some wonderful truths. Thank God for my amazing parents and how often they redirect this sinful heart. The main idea that hit me as I started reading this book is that: we were created for relationships. "This fact takes us back to the begining. ...God says that is not good for man to be alone. ...God created us to to be relational beings because he is a social God. God lives in community within the Trinity as Father, Son and Spirit, and he made humanity in his image." (page 9) Now my Bible teacher spent much of our class last school year talking about the parts of the Trinity and the Trinity as a whole, but I've never really thought about God as a social God. I've also never thought about the fact that: relationships are why I'm here on earth. If God put me on earth to finish high-school with a 4.0 GPA, get a scholarship to college and establish a strong career, people would be virtually unecessary. But I'm not here to to be successful according to the world's standards. First and foremost, my time and trust and faith and effort must go to my relationship with my Savior. But He put me here to make his name known so therefore my second goal should be to establish relationships with his creatures here on earth. If I never even manage to graduate high-school, but I do nuture strong relationships with those God has placed in my life, if I do become a light to those who don't know Him and an encouragement to those who do, I will have fulfilled my purpose. If I continue to push others aside in my drive to be "sucessful" and get "somewhere", I will have simply tried to meet the world's unfulfillable standard. In the end, it doesn't matter where I go, even if I never leave home, but instead how many strong relationships I have nurtured wherever God places me. Introvert or extrovert, God designed us all to be in fellowship with one another. For me, that means that sometimes I need to step out of my comfort zone and initiate those relationships, because that's why I'm here.

***note: All introverts don't also feel the need to accomplish things rather than invest in people, these are just both true with me.***

Monday, July 26, 2010


"This is what it means to be loved by the King"

In order to understand what it means to be loved by the King, I must release myself to Him.

"The almost impossible is thing, is to hand over your whole self - all of your wishes and precautions - to Christ. Until you have given up your self to Him you will not have a real self." ~ C.S. Lewis

By releasing myself to Him I also fulfil the purpose for which I was made.

"I was made to love and be loved by You." ~tobyMac

Monday, July 19, 2010

a lovely person

potentially lovely
perpetually human

suspended and open

These three lines make up the chorus of Regina Spektor's song Down the Road and Up the Hill. It just hit me that the people I think are the most lovely are also the people that are the most open. I was thinking about a girl in my church who just began courting a guy in my church. When she came to my mind, I had this amazing sense of beauty. While she is very physically attractive, her outward beauty really didn't come to mind. It was her openness. She is ready and willing to help and encourage everyone and she is frequently shares her own faults and shortcomings. She admits that she is human. These things make her most definitely lovely.

Monday, July 5, 2010

19th century novels

I have read and do enjoy novels from a majority of time periods (see my book list), but I tend to prefer novels written in the 1800s. After deciding that most good novels were written in the 19th century,  I was determined to figure out why I felt that way. Three major factors came to mind. 19th century authors, in general, do an excellent job with character development. With aid (Katie), I can generally determine the Myers-Briggs type of each main character. This means that these characters pass puppet status and possess the depth of real people. On the contrary, older and newer novels both contain a general lack character development. Plotline provides the second point. Many modern novels only have a single plotline, but 19th century novels have two to four plotlines on a regular basis. This again increases the depth of the novel. Third, 19th century literature often includes the author's thoughts and commentary alongside the action of the story. While only so many general story templates exist, the addition of the author's thoughts and commentary provide the moral of the event and allow readers to acknowledge the application in their own lives. This point adds the final feet to the depth of 19th century novels. For example a sentence from Middlemarch says the following: "He thought it probable that Miss Brook liked him, and manners must be very marked indeed before they cease to be interpreted by preconceptions". A modern novel would have simply contained "He thought it probable that Miss Brook liked him" and ended there. In this way the plot is continued and a character's thoughts have been expressed, but the sentence looses its distinction. The moment I finished reading the sentence in Middlemarch, I first thought that the second half was excellent quote and then realized how applicable it was in my own life. If I had simply read the first half of the quote, I would not have inferred the rest on my own. I would have moved on with the story. The greatly increased depth of 19th century novels creates much deeper pools of thought than most novels from any other time period.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

my life

LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
   behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
   and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
   it is high; I cannot attain it.
For you formed my inward parts;

   you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them.
           ~Psalm 139:1-6, 13-16

I  have spent many hours trying to figure out how my life will be. I have spent many hours day dreaming about possible situations I may find myself in. I have spent many hours stressing over the possibility of making wrong choices. I have reminded myself of my life goal, to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, but I am not sure of how best to do this. I have spent all this time trying to figure things out by myself and therefore putting all the pressure on myself. INTJs tend to do anything they want done themselves because they have very, very high standards. Consequently, if the INTJ does not feel that the person handling the situation is doing it accurately, the INTJ usually takes over (notice the "I" at the beginning of each of the previous sentences). If I apply this truth to my life, I see that I am taking over my life because I want it done "correctly", but this also means that I don't trust the person in charge of my life. I don't trust God. God cannot be inadequate and therefore my understanding must be inadequate. I already acknowledged this previously when I realized that I don't know how serve God best. But I didn't think it all the way through until talking with a friend. Sometimes, even though you know the truth, you need to hear it from someone else. I finally realized how little I had been trusting God after reading Psalm 139 last night. I also realized that I don't need to figure out my life. " your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." My life is already written out; it has already been decided. It hasn't been thought about or talked about, it has been permanently written down. I don't need to figure out my life, I only need to trust God and submit myself entirely to Him.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

good books :)

I have been cleaning out all of my school binders and in the process I found many pieces of literature that I had forgotten. I really enjoyed and learned from many of them and so I decided to start a list: 

 Books/Plays/Short Stories I Love:
   Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen, 1813)

   Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte, 1847)
   Elsie Dinsmore (Martha Finley, 1867)
   The Picture of Dorian Grey (Oscar Wilde, 1890)
   Heart of Darkness (Joseph Conrad, 1902)
   Pygmalion (George Bernard Shaw, 1916)
   The Glass Menagerie (Tennessee Williams, 1945)
   Cry, the Beloved Country (Alan Paton, 1948)
   To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee, 1960)
   A Raisin in the Sun (Lorraine Hansberry, 1961)
   The Chosen (Chaim Potok, 1967)
   A Father’s Promise (Donna L. Hess, 1987)
   Letters from Rifka (Karen Hesse, 1992)
   Ella Enchanted (Gail Carson Levine, 1997)

Books/Plays/Short Stories I Like:

   Hamlet (William Shakespeare, 1603?)
   As You Like It (William Shakespeare, 1623?)
   The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew (Margaret Sidney, 1881)
   The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County (Mark Twain, 1867)
   The Dead (James Joyce, 1914)
   Our Town (Thornton Wilder, 1938)
   Old Man and the Sea (Ernest Hemingway, 1952)
   Mara, Daughter of the Nile (Eloise Jarvis McGraw, 1953)
   Island of the Blue Dolphins (Scott O’Dell, 1960)
   From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankwiler (E. L.
          Konigsburg, 1967)
   Shadow Spinner (Susan Fletcher, 1998)
   Chasing Vermeer (Blue Balliett, 2003)
   The City of Ember (Jeanne DuPrau, 2003)
   The Tale of Despereaux (Kate DiCamillo, 2003)
   Airman (Eoin Colfer, 2007)
   Artemis Fowl Series (Eoin Colfer, 2003-2008)
   Inheritance Series (Christopher Paolini, 2003-2008)
   Tales of the Frog Princess Series (E. D. Baker, 2002-2009)

Saturday, June 12, 2010

His great bidding

But prayer against His absolute decree/ No more avails than breath against the wind/ Blown stifling back on him that breaths it fourth./ Therefore to His great bidding I submit. 
~Adam from Paradise Lost by John Milton

So often I want to have a set plan that should be accomplished at any cost. I put time a lot of time into preparing and doing tasks well. Because I put so much time into each thing I do, I expect each one to go according to my plan. I forget that any amount of my time and any amount of my effort is worthless without the Holy Spirit. I can try to move a mountain all day or all year, but if God wants that mountain there, it is not going to move. My time and effort would be much better spent if I were to use them for His glory and I were to seek out His plan for me. Therefore to His great bidding I submit...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

the value of life

"What broke in a man that he could bring himself to kill another? What broke when he could bring himself to thrust down the knife into the warm flesh, to bring down the axe on the living head, to cleave down between the seeing eyes, to shoot the gun that would drive death into the beating heart?"
~Alan Paton, Cry the Beloved Country

The value of human life has greatly diminished. Several months ago my sister convinced me to watch G.I.Joe with her. I was astounded. Several characters took the liberty to kill entire rooms filled with innocent bystanders in just about every scene. Well at least until halfway through the movie, at which point I turned it off. Putting myself in the shoes of an actor, I don't understand why someone would want to be paid large sums of money to entertain masses of people by pretending to extinguish life. I am well aware that I tend to over-analyze everything, but this really upset me. Sin has corrupted mankind so much that we don't even place a value on human life. We are immune to and even entertained by the destruction of human life. And if we don't value life that is scientifically proven to be human, is it any wonder that we don't value debated human life in the womb? 

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

thoughtless mortal

In the little stuying I did manage accomplish while preparing for finals, I came across a quote that I had copied into my binder. "Oh, thoughtless mortals ever blind to fate, too soon dejected, and too soon elate!" This comes from The Rape of the Lock, a mock-epic, which humorously reflects on many painful truths. I find this quote to be especially fitting today. As I think of the things for which I have been excited and things that have caused me to become angry, I am disgusted at how many of them have little or no eternal value. Interesting how, after thinking and therefore diminishing my thoughtlessness, I gain a better sense of my emotions. My emotions are excited too easily when a sinful habit is involved. Yet, when it comes to glorifying and enjoying God, serving others, etc. I find a general lack of emotion. Desires generally produce strong emotions and so it appears that an evaluation of my desires is in order...