hello

Well my parents and I drove the 7 hours to Erie today :)

The van before... 

...and after...

...energy for the day...

...driving through the mountains...

...with gorgeous clouds (which always make me think of Lady Kathryne)...

...and, finally, watching the sunset over Lake Erie...

...yes, today was marvelous :) 

goodbye

Today is my last day in the state of Maryland. Tomorrow I leave for Erie, PA. This week has been very hard. Every person I've seen has looked at me with tears in their eyes (or falling down their face) and very softly said: "goodbye". When you have lived in the same state since you were two, when you have attended the same church since you were two, when you have home-schooled from pre-school through tenth grade and when you have attended a very small private school for the last two years of school, this repeated experience is truly heart wrenching. Each one of these people has known me very personally and has had a very strong impact upon my life on a very frequent (as in: multiple times per week) basis. Living in a close-knit family of seven also means that I have always done everything with my family. We eat most of our meals together. I usually help at least two people get dressed in the morning (in matching clothes). We all go to each other sports games (or ballet performances). We take all of our trips as a family. I also have a very personal relationship with each of my siblings. Not being able to see and interact with each one of them on a daily basis is going to very hard. In short, going to college is going to change my life completely. For the first time in my life I will only have to tend to myself and for the first time in my life I will be living on my own and I will be in charge of myself. I'm about to embark on a very new adventure and I'm excited to see all the new things that the Lord will be teaching me and that he will be teaching my friends and family in this new season of our lives.

forever

So it's been quite a while...spending the summer without a lap top was a stressful and frustrating growing experience for me...anyway, finally on to another blog post...

"We will be in love forever..."
 This is a line from Sleeping Beauty's love song (I've been babysitting all summer) and it's echoed everywhere. There is something enchantingly beautiful about an eternal love. We long for it, we dream of it, we fantasize about it. It seems enchanting because it seems a bit impossible, something for only our dreams and fantasies. We are afraid to speak of it because we are afraid we will realize how absurd we sound and we will just be in need of another reality check. We know we can never love perfectly or eternally because we are corrupted by sin. We know we cannot expect it out of any other person for the very same reason. However, we need to look further still. Our greatest love cannot be found on earth. The only love that is perfect in every way is a love we cannot possibly return, but with which we can forever live in fellowship. The love we truly long for isn't anything like Prince Philip. He was created in the image of this love, but he pales in comparison. Our hearts, our inner longings, will only truly be satisfied with the perfect, eternal love of Christ.

tears

Tears have been streaming down my face for hours. Today was definitely the hardest "last day" I had to experience as a high school senior. I have moved to a new house and I have met new, and said goodbye to old, teachers and students throughout all of middle school and high school, but almost every single day, I have gone to the dance studios at Milstead. More of my life has been spent in those studios than anywhere else. Dance has been my constant, and even though I'll never stop dancing, I will no longer be with the students and teachers and mothers and friends I have grown up with. The various ages and levels and positions of people that make up my little ballet studio in Harford County have been a second family to me for eight years. I have made many irreplaceable friends in many places, but there's something different about the people you have danced with. You have a different connection with them than you will ever have other people. They understand your unexplainable connection to an art form that can never truly be documented. Each performance fades into the theatre never to be seen again. Video recordings will never convey the sweat, the blood, the tears, the emotional and physical stress and joy that make a ballet performance the beatifully breathtaking art that it is. Thank you to all the teachers and dancers that have made my dance experiences as amazing as they were. I'll be back as soon as I can...

prayer

"..for prayer is communion with a transcendent and immanent God who on the ground of his nature and attributes calls forth all the powers of the redeemed soul in acts of total adoration and dedication." ~Arthur Bennett 

communion- "fellowship; a state of giving and receiving" ~Noah Webster, 1828 dictionary 

transcendent- "[L. transcendens.] very excellent; superior or supreme in excellence; surpassing others" ~Noah Webster, 1828 dictionary 

immanent- "[L. in and manens, maneo, to abide.] inherent; intrinsic; internal" ~Noah Webster, 1828 dictionary

on the ground of his nature and attributes- because of who he is 

total- "[L. totalis, totus.] whole; full; complete/ whole; not divided" ~Noah Webster, 1828 dictionary

acts of total adoration and dedication- acts of service out of love 

God requires all of me to be fully and completely devoted to him. Prayer should not become part of my day, like eating or going to ballet, but must instead envelop my day. 

"I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God, it changes me." ~C.S. Lewis 

tonight

"Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, 

in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways.

All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me.

I can't remember a trial or a pain 

he did not recycle to bring me gain.

I can't remember one single regret

in serving God only and trusting his hand.

This is my anthem, this is my song,

the theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end."

~Sara Groves

Two of my dearest and most inspirational friends sang this song a few months ago when our school's beloved headmaster left to pursue a new path in serving the Lord. I had heard the song before, but it definitely left a more meaningful impact on me when I heard it that morning. During the few months since then, this song has become the anthem of this season of my life. It's been a rough year. My family has been overworked and stressed on a daily basis. However, it has been a good year. It's been good for many reasons, but mainly because God has been faithful. Each step I felt that I couldn't take, God was there providing in miraculous ways. From things like finding a ride home from school to things receiving large scholarships to multiple colleges, God has provided each step of the way. And now, I'm about to pursue a new path in my own life. Tonight I graduate from high school. I can hardly believe that I've been a senior all year, let alone grasp the fact that I'm graduating this very evening. Yet, through all the big transitions I'm about to make, I can trust God's faithfulness. 
God has been faithful, he will be again. 

pressed

I would like to share an absolutely beautiful piece of writing I read today...
"I used to be a pianist.  Growing up I sat on the hard bench for hours each day.  The pads of each fingertip pressing into the ebony and pearl-like bars.  Just like a bar of gold holds worth so these bars hold worth of another kind.  Each reverberating tone is a voice.  My ears delight to hear the keys sing and praise as my fingers dance over them.  I’m transported to another world.  Loveliness that only comes from being pressed yet not broken.  We are all pressed at times.  Pushed and even pounded.  If we are willing it can produce a melody so beautiful that tears are the only perfect words for the soul.  An outpouring of praise.  A building crescendo that is a beauty so pristine yet it can only come through being touched.  Sometimes through pain.  Each persons life is one of those keys.  A voice.  Being played by the Master Composer. " ~Miss Elaini, http://misselainious.com/ 

To continue this thought: Our lives are being played by the Master Composer to bring Him glory. Sometimes joy and prosperity will bring that glory and other times it will be sadness and pain. We will never know, but He does...We just need to keep letting ourselves be played for His glory.