my life

LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
   behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
   and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
   it is high; I cannot attain it.
...
For you formed my inward parts;
   you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them.
           ~Psalm 139:1-6, 13-16

I  have spent many hours trying to figure out how my life will be. I have spent many hours day dreaming about possible situations I may find myself in. I have spent many hours stressing over the possibility of making wrong choices. I have reminded myself of my life goal, to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, but I am not sure of how best to do this. I have spent all this time trying to figure things out by myself and therefore putting all the pressure on myself. INTJs tend to do anything they want done themselves because they have very, very high standards. Consequently, if the INTJ does not feel that the person handling the situation is doing it accurately, the INTJ usually takes over (notice the "I" at the beginning of each of the previous sentences). If I apply this truth to my life, I see that I am taking over my life because I want it done "correctly", but this also means that I don't trust the person in charge of my life. I don't trust God. God cannot be inadequate and therefore my understanding must be inadequate. I already acknowledged this previously when I realized that I don't know how serve God best. But I didn't think it all the way through until talking with a friend. Sometimes, even though you know the truth, you need to hear it from someone else. I finally realized how little I had been trusting God after reading Psalm 139 last night. I also realized that I don't need to figure out my life. "...in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." My life is already written out; it has already been decided. It hasn't been thought about or talked about, it has been permanently written down. I don't need to figure out my life, I only need to trust God and submit myself entirely to Him.